Mothers Who Know
One of the most important talks for me that was ever given in General Conference, was Julie B. Beck's October 2007 talk, "Mothers Who Know". It not only eloquently highlighted some of the most precious doctrines I already believed from the 1995 document "The Family: A Proclamation to the World", it also gave me hope that I was personally becoming a good mother.
As a self-proclaimed hater of housework, diaper-changing, and even most cooking, I tended to feel that being motherly didn't always come easily to me. This talk was one of the things that changed my perspective on what it is to be a mother. Along with Sheri L. Dew's October 2001 talk, "Are We Not All Mothers?", this talk helped me see that I already had an identity as a good mother. I didn't need to be the same kind of mother as my own mother or anyone else to be good at it. It was such a comfort to me to know that my own strengths and abilities (in addition to a willingness to grow more strengths) were all that was needed to fulfill one of the most important calls I'll ever hold. What a relief to find this out!
Sister Beck highlighted 7 areas of focus for being a good mother. The first of these is bearing children. This area was not one I felt particularly accomplished in. I had been blessed with 2 sons, but at the time of this talk, I had only gotten pregnant once since the birth of my second, who was 5. That pregnancy resulted not only in miscarriage but in emergency surgery where I almost bled to death internally before doctors saved my life in the OR. I strongly suspected that Heavenly Father had intervened to ensure that no more children were sent to my home because I was terrible mother. I later learned that these types of feelings are fairly normal among LDS women who experience miscarriage or infertility. Luckily for me, Sister Beck's talk clarifies that not all women have children but that our desires to bear children rise with us in the eternities where we can recieve any blessings we are unable to recieve here on earth. Such a comfort!
As a self-proclaimed hater of housework, diaper-changing, and even most cooking, I tended to feel that being motherly didn't always come easily to me. This talk was one of the things that changed my perspective on what it is to be a mother. Along with Sheri L. Dew's October 2001 talk, "Are We Not All Mothers?", this talk helped me see that I already had an identity as a good mother. I didn't need to be the same kind of mother as my own mother or anyone else to be good at it. It was such a comfort to me to know that my own strengths and abilities (in addition to a willingness to grow more strengths) were all that was needed to fulfill one of the most important calls I'll ever hold. What a relief to find this out!
Sister Beck highlighted 7 areas of focus for being a good mother. The first of these is bearing children. This area was not one I felt particularly accomplished in. I had been blessed with 2 sons, but at the time of this talk, I had only gotten pregnant once since the birth of my second, who was 5. That pregnancy resulted not only in miscarriage but in emergency surgery where I almost bled to death internally before doctors saved my life in the OR. I strongly suspected that Heavenly Father had intervened to ensure that no more children were sent to my home because I was terrible mother. I later learned that these types of feelings are fairly normal among LDS women who experience miscarriage or infertility. Luckily for me, Sister Beck's talk clarifies that not all women have children but that our desires to bear children rise with us in the eternities where we can recieve any blessings we are unable to recieve here on earth. Such a comfort!
The second principle is honoring sacred ordinances and covenants. Although doing this isn't always easy, it is pretty straightforward. Honoring covenants not only teaches children to do the same, it can arm our children with power as they experience the fruits of having a mother who can call on God with confidence that she is worthy of His help. This is something I can do, and it gives me confidence to know that by doing so, I am fulfilling my role as a mother.
The next principle is nurturing, and Sister Beck pointed out that another word for nurturing is homemaking. I have to admit that even though I like to keep a fairly tidy home (mostly for my own sanity), I have trouble actually enjoying housework. However, the way Sister Beck explained this principle has made me alter the way I view housework. She talked about the why of making a home: to create a climate for growth. I feel a sense of purpose in cleaning, organizing, and decorating when I view things by this standard.
Sister Beck's next principle is one of the most empowering. She points out that mothers are leaders and are the primary examples of what leaders look like for their children. What a great concept to remind us of how important we are in shaping the leaders of tomorrow!
Mothers are always teachers. This is another incredibly empowering concept. We mothers are the teachers of the rising generation. Sister Beck tells of a friend who said he didn't learn anything at church that he hadn't already learned at home. If all mothers would strive toward this ideal, children would be so well-versed in the things they so desperately needed to know that we would all feel confident and optimistic about the future of the world. That is influence and power.
What a great blessing to be a mother, a shaper of the world. This gives me confidence that by helping my children with their homework and reading scriptures and other books together I am already doing what a good mother does and that my work really does matter.
Mothers who know do less. This concept probably seems counterintuitive to some in a world where a common compliment about women is that they can do it all. But, we're all know that if your focus is too divided, thou don't end up with the same quality of results as when you have a precise focus. Sister Beck is reminding us that just like an Olympic athlete who learns they must sacrifice many other things to achieve a world class level of skill, mothers also must direct a laser-like focus on their field of influence if they want to be at the top of their game. Cutting back when life gets to hectic is certainly doable, and it's comforting to know it's the right choice.
As her concluding principle, Sister Beck reminds mothers to stand strong and unlovable. This means choosing the right even in the face of opposition. I'm definitely not always perfect at this, but it's good to know that the most important thing isn't baking the perfect birthday cupcakes or taking the perfect first day of school pictures.
This talk gave me confidence and direction about what to do as a mother. I have come to possess a very strong testimony about the importance of being a good mother. I have seen the fruits of my efforts pay off exponentially in the lives of my children. This multiplying of my own efforts has given me the knowledge that Heavenly Father believes in and supports the work of mothers.
I hope everyone can understand the influence and power a mother can have on the world. Like the mothers of Helaman's young warriors, today's mothers can shape the future of their society by their influence. This is my firm belief and my own mission in life.
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